


You & Me, We're Not So Different

by Legendawson



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Religious Guilt, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, grumpy!javert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 02:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10732677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendawson/pseuds/Legendawson
Summary: after Valjean saves Javert's life, Javert tries to explain to Valjean why he was so cruel to him this entire time





	You & Me, We're Not So Different

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pumpkincorpse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkincorpse/gifts).



“You know why I hate you right?” Javert asked  
“Hated” Javert corrected himself as he started coughing up water  
Valjean had saved Javert after his attempted suicide. He jumped in after him and gave him CPR. Now here he lay in Valjean's house. _In Valjean's bed._  
"Are you alright?" Valjean asked just as his coughing fit ended.  
Javert nodded. They sat in silence for a few minutes.  
Valjean had to be the one to start the conversation back up "Why do you hate me?" Valjean asked in almost a whisper  
"Hated" Javert corrected  
Before Valjean could react to that Javert started explaining "I used to hate you because you remind me of my parents. Well, more specifically you remind me of myself"  
Valjean furrowed his brows "Do you mean- you were a convict or?"  
"Well no- both of my parents were, so I was born in a jail. I hated that life. I hated my parents for giving me that life. I hated myself even more though, that's why I became a cop, to try to forget that part of my past, to destroy that part of myself. But it only ended up making me worse"  
Valjean slowly gripped Javert's hand "Thank you for telling me"  
Javert flinched but didn't pull his hand away "I'm sorry"  
"For?" Valjean inquired  
"Everything. Being more aggressive than I had to be, ruder than I had to be. I never listened to what you had to say- I didn't care why a crime was committed, only how and when, I didn't even consider the circumstances you were in"  
"There's nothing that I blame you for. You've done your duty, nothing more" Valjean absentmindedly tightened his grip on Javert's hand  
"No, Jean, I owe you an apology-" Javert started.  
When had he started calling him Jean?  
"Ah ah ah, you're hurt. No arguing while you're hurt, okay?"  
Javert wanted to continue his apology, he knew he should, but he was so exhausted "Okay" he said grumpily  
Valjean kissed Javert's knuckles "Get some rest"  
"Jean wait" Javert called out  
"Yes?"  
"Don't go. Stay. You can lay next to me, there's plenty of room"  
"I-I don't want to hurt you" Valjean stuttered  
Javert didn't know whether he meant physically or emotionally.  
"You won't" Javert said almost immediately although he couldn't possibly know that for sure.  
Valjean was conflicted, he knew he shouldn't, if he fell asleep- which is very likely after this exhausting day- he might toss and turn and make Javerts' injuries worse. But Valjean didn't want to hurt Javert by saying no- the man is finally opening up, his rejection might make Javert never open up again, never have the courage to ask Valjean things like that again.  
"How about this, I stay until you fall asleep?" Valjean suggested  
"It's so cold. So cold without you" Javert said miserably  
Valjean wasn't sure if Javert was being literal- was he actually cold? Or was he talking about how he feels?  
"I- I just don't want to hurt you" Valjean repeated  
"Then don't. Don't leave me" Javert said in almost a whisper  
"O-okay" Valjean stuttered  
Javert scooted over as much as he could with his limited mobility. Valjean laid down next to him while trying his best not to make him uncomfortable.  
"Thank you" Javert cooed as he shyly took Valjean's hand in his own  
Javert fell asleep in less than 10 minutes after Valjean laid down.  
Valjean gently let go of Javert's hand and got out of the bed  
Javert woke up and sat up urgently "Where are you going?"  
"Shhh, I'm just going to sleep in this chair" Valjean explained gently pushing Javert back to a laying position. They both were asleep in 5 minutes.  
_____________________

"Papa, where were you last night? I was going to say goodnight but you were nowhere to be found" Cosette asked  
"I was... with a friend" Valjean said  
"In all my 17 years I've never seen you with a friend..... no offense" Cosette said  
"Maybe friend was the wrong word, uh- he's an acquaintance of sorts" Valjean explained  
"Oh? Do I know him?" she asked  
"No- speaking of him, I better go check on him" Valjean turned to leave  
"He spent the night?" Cosette's mouth hung open in shock  
"Ah yes, I hope you don't mind, he's sick" Valjean explained  
"He's sick, that makes more sense" Cosette said turning her attention back to her book as Valjean left the room

Javert woke up confused. He didn't recognize where he was. Suddenly it all came back to him. _The seine. Failed suicide. Valjean._  
"Good morning" Javert flinched when he heard the voice  
"How are you feeling?"  
Javert rubbed his head "Shitty"  
Valjean laughed "Do you want some breakfast?"  
Javert nodded and went to stand up  
"Ah ah ah, don't even think about getting out of that bed" Valjean said  
Javert scowled "I'm not going to rot away in this bed"  
"You're not rotting away, you're healing"  
"I have to move. I haven't even been in this bed a whole day and I'm already becoming restless"  
"You have to heal first" Valjean gently took Javert's hand in his, this seemed to convince Javert, he laid back down with a grunt.  
"So, breakfast?" Valjean asked  
"Fine" Javert said grumpily  
__________________

"You know, you can't make me stay in this godawful bed"  
It was noon and Javert was getting grumpier by the second  
Valjean laughed at that "Then why haven't you gotten up?"  
"Because when I was about to get up you held my hand and I was so rudely tricked into not getting up" Javert crossed his arms  
Valjean laughed again "Hey, you did that to me last night when you wanted me to stay"  
Javert tried to hide the blush that formed "That was different"  
"You're cute when you're embarrassed" Valjean laughed  
"I am not cute! and I am not embarrassed!" Javert hissed  
Valjean started laughing harder  
"Stop! I demand you stop laughing at me right now!" Javert yelled only making Valjean laugh even more  
"Stop laughing right now! Or- or I'll call the police!" Javert yelled  
"I _am_ the police" Javert murmured in realization  
Valjean laughed so hard he snorted  
"You- you! I'm-" Javert stuttered  
Valjean was still laughing when Javert put his hands on his face and kissed him.  
Valjean was shocked. Javert was even more shocked.  
Javert removed his hands from Valjean's face and slouched down in his bed  
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to- you just wouldn't shut up, I'm so stupid, I can't believe I- I can't breathe, I'm dying, this is it, my last words" Javert rambled starting to breathe hard  
"You're not dying, you're having a panic attack" Valjean explained  
Javert said nothing but continued to breath harder  
"Take small deep breaths, focus only on your breaths"  
"I can't" Javert heaved  
"Yes you can, I believe in you"  
Javert tried to take small breaths but started coughing. He took small breaths again, this time succeeding in slowing down his breathing  
"How do you feel now?"  
"Like I want to go jump in the seine"  
Valjean's face fell "Hey, don't say that"  
"It's what I deserve" Javert faced away from Valjean  
"No. No you don't" Valjean whispered gently  
"You should've let me die"  
Valjean felt his heart break a little "don't say that, Javert. Don't ever say that"  
Javert didn't respond but put his head under the blanket along with the rest of his body  
"Javert, please talk to me"  
Javert didn't answer  
Valjean sighed "I want to help you"  
"You and your charitable instincts can't help me- can't save me" Javert mumbled under the blanket  
"You're right, _I_ can't save you, but _I_ can help you, _I_ want to help you"  
Javert pulled his head out of the blanket "Save your charity for someone who will appreciate it"  
"I don't need appreciation"  
Javert sighed about to go back under the blanket  
"Please, don't put your head under the blanket again, we need to talk"  
"There's nothing to talk about- you're a saint and I'm a sinner. There's nothing more to say"  
"Sinner? Javert, why do you say that?"  
"Don't pretend like you don't know" Javert stubbornly crossed his arms  
"Is it- because you kissed me?" Valjean asked  
Javert couldn't look Valjean in the eyes, he put his head under the blanket again  
"Javert"  
"We can talk, but I can't stand you looking at me during a conversation like this"  
"How about you take your head out from under the blanket and I turn my chair away from you, does that work?"  
"That's fine" Javert stuck his head out from under the blanket and saw that Valjean already turned the chair in the other direction  
"So, why you called yourself a sinner-" Valjean begun  
"Yes I'm a sinner because I'm gay! Are you happy now? Huh?!" Javert shouted  
Valjean was tempted to turn his chair around so he could comfort him, but he promised he would face away  
"You are not a sinner for being gay" Valjean said calmly  
"Don't lie to me! You're a devoted Christian, you know better than anyone"  
"Yes, I know better than anyone, so listen to what I'm saying, you are not a sinner because you're gay"  
Javert sighed "I think you're saying that to make me feel better, but I still appreciate it"  
"Listen, I used to be in the same boat as you are, I used to think that being interested in men made me a sinner too, but I was wrong" Valjean explained  
"Y-you-you're gay?" Javert stuttered  
"Pansexual" Valjean responded  
"Wha-whats that- if you don't mind me asking"  
"It means I'm interested in people regardless of gender, it doesn't matter to me at all" Valjean explained  
Javert nodded even though Valjean couldn't see him  
"That makes me feel much better, thank you for telling me" Javert whispered  
"Thank you for telling me" Valjean whispered back  
"You can turn back around now" Javert stated  
Valjean turned the chair around and sat down  
Javert looked much calmer  
"We should try that kiss again while I'm not laughing" Valjean suggested  
Javert nodded vigorously "yes. Yes please, I would like that very much"  
Valjean smiled as he picked up Javert's hand and placed a kiss on it "FYI, you are in fact very cute"  
Javert blushed "stop!"

**Author's Note:**

> I literally can't imagine Javert stuttering but......  
> thanks to Nick (@pumpkincorpse) for reviewing this ily


End file.
